Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Go Big or Go Home

As I sit here across from Waikiki Beach, readying myself for an incredible hike up Diamond Head...I'm celebrating this moment and examining this past year in all its splendor and glory. There have been many highs; and happily, I report not many lows.

When a year passes, I often think of Dr. Seuss's book, "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" It's considered a long children's poem. As is often of Dr. Seuss's work, it is usually relatable, lovable and useful as an adult. For instance, read the depth in this passage alone:

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

And, what great truths and positive motivation are revealed in these stanzas:

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

...Guess the unofficial doctor has the perfect remedy with his words. "Officially" for me, what is now true is that I am 34 years "old"er. With my mysterious birthday date still undiscovered, the inevitable fate operator with my drivers license in-hand added another coin to my life meter. I am so lucky to stay one more year in this little life of mine.

If last year's post (http://johannavanderspool.blogspot.com/2010_08_01_archive.html) was about the Year of The Treadmill, this year is the Year of the Inner Guidance. This year I commanded this prose, more than ever:

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy/gal who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

So many of us walk a walk that isn't even desirable to us at all. It's a complacency set from, perhaps, family expectations or; an inner deviant who tells you your true passion is too frightening or; life generally steers you wayward from your ultimate goal. Maybe that doesn't apply to you...and if not, be so glad of it.

There are times that everyone needs to take the moment(s) to assess who they are, what they want, where to live, who their friends are, what their life will be in one direction versus another. The key is not to stall, but the inspection/ introspection is absolutely necessary. More importantly, however, is the inner truth. Will you lie even to yourself? And...once you know what you know and want what you want...will you make it happen no matter what?

My reputation has often been something worthy to me. It usually means going beyond expectations. It often means people pleasing. It sometimes means sacrifice. This year, it has not. I believe I've surprised people. Cut people off, turned down decent jobs and walked away without many regrets. Close friends questioned me, but at the heart of it, they've understood...as many of them are also artists, musicians, directors, performers, et al. The choices we make sometimes comes not from the business (aka brain) but from the heart. As with everything a good mix is what we strive for in the great tier of happiness, but within the heart, it grows from there.

No matter if you consider yourself an artist or not, the choice of inner guidance is not for the faint hearted. It's to do what's best for you. Tap into it with a kind selfishness, and know the people who stand by you are the ones to love. And for those people who misunderstand you or the opportunities that fall around you, it is what is necessary. This is all said with greater faith and alertness than I've ever had in my life.

My motto has always been "go big or go home," and now I understand the meaning not to be about accomplishing goals but rather knowing how to live grandly inside yourself and directing your life positively with your most authentic voice. Now, that's BIG...

For those that love little ol' me, thank you. I am truly blessed. You are appreciated more than you know. I bid each of you a wonderful year full of success, love and the greatness of life.

Now-- strong thighs, get me up that mountain! I wanna see the view. :)

Cheers,
Johanna


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posted by Only The Lonely @ 11:09 AM

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Forever in Love

I'm so blessed tonight to be in the state of bliss and clearness. In the quiet of this late evening, after a radiating cry of pain, of happiness; of crystal awareness...to know what my heart truly wants. It's begging me to give it a say, to attend; to listen to a meek voice that isn't meek at all.

In the past five years, this voice started as a small throb in my chest and with every passing day, it's become louder and louder...reaching such great heights of audio that thunderous horses's hooves couldn't match its decibels. Hear me now, it isn't the noise of my ego. It isn't the blended lies; coverups I used to tell myself or line of defenses met from habits formed long ago...it isn't a brain power that pushes a steady flow of analytical thoughts from one synapse to another, as if in a debate toss. I am not the prosecutor or the defendant. It is only one guiding voice. I recognize it as safe because my soul, my heart says it is.

I am free to follow it as I am free to steer myself to make a cup of tea. And I will. From now on, I will.

I smile at the little girl in curls laughing in the sun and twirling about. She receives me with such great joy, like a long absent warrior finally returning home. I swoop her up with a great embrace that reminds me of the love that has always been there. There's no outer search for it. No outer remedy. No external need for peace. I could be in a crowded atrium or stadium...and yet, the peace drapes over me like a comfortable blanket.

Whatever happens tomorrow, I will be okay. I am freed already, no matter what. I wear no shackles. There is no tether to the past. I look out now, and there are fields of bountiful green.

I wish this for you, my friend. I beg of you, with no ulterior intent, to follow your heart. No matter what fears; no matter what judgment; no matter past voices; no matter what circumstances. Rise, rise, rise-- to take the loving hand extended out within you. Intertwine your fingers together like a lover, like a friend, like family.

Once reconnected, everything will be still. Don't run, my dear. Stay with the quiet; with the solitude because you aren't alone. There are so many others who are with you. If desired, I'll supplicate you to be your true self. In that openness, may your honesty finally give you the shelter and home you've always wanted.

Your wish is your command.

If it isn't now, that is okay too. You have recognized each other and the blindfold is no longer needed. Though there is no exact road map, you will be brought back to this counsel fire again...your destiny is to reunite...forever in love.


posted by Only The Lonely @ 12:44 AM