CUP OF JO...

From THE WEDDING CRASHERS

Jeremy Grey: "I got to get outta here, pronto. I got a stage five clinger. Stage five, virgin, clinger."

...So I'm going to just say it. I've been dating myself. A lot. And I've been a bit clingy...to myself, that is. It's not virgin territory, per se, since I've been dating myself regularly off and on since I was 16. But lately, it's been a lot of work.

I reminisce often about the 18 year old Jo and say to myself, "wow, wasn't she clueless?" Ignorance is truly bliss. I know far too much about myself to be natural; at times I feel like Sybil. A complexity of different Jo's. What Freud would call the Id, Superego, and Ego perhaps...but I just call them the JoJos. They loom over me like a Greek chorus, encircling and chanting out the obvious undertones of my motivations, fears, hopes, joys, past and possible future. Frankly, I kinda want to b-tch slap them, but I'm not prone to violence. So, instead I listen (this current Jo) and try patiently like a good girlfriend to really understand what they're trying to convey; to learn from them.

Needless to say, psychology has always been a fascinating subject to me; to which I have put in good practice. "They" say you must love yourself before you can love others. I think I got that one down now. But what has always perplexed me is dependency, connectivity. That one concept eludes me sometimes because in the non-brainy sense-- people need people. Not to validate--but it's a known fact that it's not healthy or considered good to be an island.

For validation or attachment issues, SEX AND THE CITY comes to mind:

Charlotte: "I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?"

Miranda: "Who? The White Knight?"

Let's not get us started on Carrie Bradshaw...wouldn't any other woman ditch Big a long time ago? He's a prototype of the chase in all us, both men and women; the carrot dangling; the tweak that never happens; only in urban myths.

From New York City island to the other island concept in CAST AWAY:

Chuck Noland: "The most beautiful thing in the world is, of course, the world itself."

Chuck created Wilson, the volleyball, not to be alone. That was his Sybil perhaps. I talked to Bobby Zemeckis a few years ago for POLAR EXPRESS, and he specifically talked about the psychology of the island. He reminded all of us our great need to be interconnected. Hence, I think of Facebook; my love/ hate and gratitude/disgust for it.

By the way, for those that haven't seen the 1976 TV movie SYBIL, it's terribly good but painful to watch. In Psych 101, we had to watch that famous Sally Field film that won her an Emmy and Golden Globe...to which a few years later, her internal Sybil came out when she accepted her Academy Award (for another film) stating, "You like me, you really like me."

And isn't that the truth? We all just want to be liked; to be loved; to be rescued from the island that can and certainly does exist...in all of us. Some have it a little less with a larger metaphorical city. Others simply island hop.

The verdict is still out on me. Have I been comforted by the great independence I've always had? I'll never leave myself (well, I won't; some people do). In that way, it's so easy to date myself. Yet, I love the thrill of meeting new people. I enjoy the sounds, sight, smells, experience, stories, education that arises from others. In fact, I thrive on it. I can share myself (and ironically this note is this moment)...but to a point. And then, no one can have me. I'm that jealous girlfriend that guards her Jos. You get it?

So what to do? God, no. No more thinking!! You don't want to be Sybil (I'm sure you've encountered a few on Hollywood Blvd). So, instead you JUMP. Another approach. The other is FREE FALL. There's a difference.

Lately, I've been JUMPING. Jumping into a lot of things actually.

Recently I went on what I thought was a fairly good date...this one outside of myself. It was an interesting dynamic that has left questions about dating overall and those connections. Am I too far off base to say that I guarded myself? A self protection to those out there that seek fun for the sake of fun or fun to take to take. Or was it a true connection that time is re-shaping like some kind of ADJUSTMENT BUREAU?

Golly. These questions float like alphabet soup. Personally, I think I have simply forgotten about "lust." There's no need to go to "extremes" as Billy Joel may croon out, but lust is a powerful dating technique. Have I been off the market too many times to have forgotten about lust?

Lust is perhaps the only thing in dating yourself I believe I have forgotten to do. Maybe that is why I don't recognize it. Making love to yourself is one notion (and super), don't get me wrong. Go do it! But lusting after myself? Well, I don't even know if that is a concept.

To which leads me to discuss MAE WEST, one of my ultimate favorite actresses. She was the cat's meow, a big Leonine; with complete sassafras. She's been credited for incredible quotes-- some of which I should remember more often because, well, they're useful in not only dating externally but also internally:

"Sex is emotion in motion."

(For her, she may have actually lusted after herself) (Love that crazy b-tch!)

And her other good one:

"I never loved another person the way I loved myself."

So while I'm figuring out my current date with Jo (and the state within that date), feel free to tell me either:

1) Your island story

2) Your never ending dates of...yourself for yourself

3) If you confirm I am crazy (of which I reply in advance, "Thanks, that means I'm doing something right.")

So, maybe just tell me your #1 and #2.

Wishing you all NO validation, but simply some comfort in love...whatever form or approach that is for you...and NOT to be lonely. You never have to be. Not in today's world. Not ever. But also, if you've got yourself (via your God), you're in the right direction.

Lastly, in a pseudo related topic, choose your own adventure book and turn the page.

Yours,

Johanna

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